I am so insane.

I Say Jeeves! – Episode One – The Earth’s Surface

Sounds of birds and park life are heard, as are the footsteps of the two men and the theme music, which dies out before the first speech.

WOOSTER: I say, Jeeves, today Aunt Agatha told me my head was hollow. I was wondering, is the earth, this very world we habitate, hollow too?

JEEVES: Not in the least, sir. The earth is composed of a series of layers. The outermost, gaseous layer, called the atmosphere, is about 1100 km (700 miles) thick. Oceans and lakes compose the hydrosphere, the layer of water that covers over 70 percent of the earth’s surface. Making up the surface and sea floor, the lithosphere is a cold, rocky layer that extends to a depth of about 100 km (60 miles). The dense shell surrounding the innermost core of the earth is called the mantle and reaches a depth of 2900 km (1800 miles). The radius of the inner and outer cores is about 3500 km (2175 miles). The core may reach temperatures as high as 6650 C (12,000 F). 

WOOSTER: That is hot, is it not, Jeeves?

JEEVES: Very true, sir.

WOOSTER: This earth is rummy, what?

JEEVES: Would you be referring to its shape or texture sir?

WOOSTER: Shape, Jeeves!

JEEVES: Well sir, many things can occur when tectonic plates move. Throughout the Earth’s crust there are many cracks, called faults. Major faults are found near where plates touch. When two plates press against each other, pressure begins to build, and when the strain becomes too great, the ground moves suddenly and an earthquake happens – causing vibrations, rocks slipping and sometimes the earth buckles or breaks open. This can cause huge damage to the environment, causing buildings to collapse and destroying forests.      

WOOSTER: That would be a bit tough for anyone deciding to have a stroll there, what?

JEEVES: How very true, sir. An erupting volcano is also not a pleasant phenomenon to experience. Volcanoes usually form near the edges where plates collide and pressure builds causing cracks or holes to appear in the crust. Then molten rock, magma, and gases push up from deep inside the Earth. This causes an explosion called a volcanic eruption. Magma shoots out of the crater and volcanic ash darkens the sky. Ash and lava covers the earth for kilometers, killing everything in its path. Active volcanoes erupt often, dormant rest for a long time between eruptions, and extinct volcanoes will never erupt again.

What causes earthquakes is a question that had plagued scientists since the ancient Greek philosophers, who, if you may remember, attributed quakes to subterranean winds, or blamed them on fires in the depths of the earth.

It was not until 1859 that an Irish engineer Robert Mallet came close to the finding out the cause. Drawing on his knowledge of the strength and behavior of construction materials subjected to strain, Mallet proposed that earthquakes occurred “either by sudden flexure and constraint of the elastic materials forming a portion of the earth's crust or by their giving way and becoming fractured.”

This initiated much speculation, and in the 1870s, the English geologist John devised a primitive model of today's earthquake-recording device, or seismograph (taken from the Greek word seismos, meaning “earthquake”). He hung a pendulum and needle above a smoked-glass plate which recorded any tremors. The modern seismograph was invented in the early 20th century by the Russian seismologist Prince Boris Golitzyn. His device, using a magnetic pendulum suspended between the poles of an electromagnet allows induced tension to pass through an electric amplifier to a galvanometer, began a whole new era of earthquake research. (see photograph 4 )

WOOSTER: (bored)  Well, yes. How fascinating. (lightening tone) We seem to live in a world infested with danger!

JEEVES: Indeed, sir. Cyclones too, run rampage on our globe. A cyclone is violent whirling wind, characteristically accompanied by a funnel-shaped cloud extending down from a cumulonimbus cloud. A cyclone can be a few meters to about a kilometer wide where it touches the ground. The funnel is made visible by the dust sucked up and by condensation of water droplets in the center of the funnel. Most cyclones spin counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern. The funnels are always associated with violent motions in the atmosphere, including strong updrafts and the passage of fronts. Damage to property hit by a cyclone results both from these winds and from the extremely reduced pressure in the center of the funnel, which causes structures to explode when they are not sufficiently ventilated to adjust rapidly to the pressure difference.

WOOSTER: I say, if that isn’t Barmy! Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps! Err, if I may break of this discussion here Jeeves?

JEEVES: Certainly, sir.

(sound of running footsteps)

WOOSTER: Barmy! Barmy!...

I Say Jeeves! – Episode Two – Continental Drift

Sounds of a busy road are heard, cars and honking, and the theme music is played.

WOOSTER: I say, Jeeves!

JEEVES: Sir?

WOOSTER: Believe it or not, but we are actually moving at this very moment!

JEEVES: Yes, sir. Could this not be unconnected with the fact that we are in a car.

WOOSTER: Oh Jeeves, try and see the bigger picture. The ground, man! The ground!

JEEVES: I fear I do not comprehend the significance, sir.

WOOSTER: The solid stuff, under the floor, moving. Sardonic dates, don’t you know.

JEEVES: Ah, would it be the tectonic plates to which you are referring to, sir?

WOOSTER: Yes, it bally well is! Now, out with it!

JEEVES: Indeed sir, plate tectonics has been a well established concept since the early 1960’s. May I venture to add that the continental drift theory, a term which in essence is incorrect as the land masses do not drift through the oceans, has been in existence since 1912. It was at this time that German meteorologist Alfred Wegener discovered rock formations on opposite sides of the Atlantic—in Brazil and West Africa—matched in age, type, and structure. Furthermore, they often contained fossils of terrestrial creatures that could not have swum from one continent to the other. However, this speculation was not able to be verified until the study of plate tectonics, sir. (snoring is heard) Sir?

WOOSTER: (waking up) Hear, Hear!

JEEVES: (clearing his throat) As I was saying sir, on the matter of plate tectonics…

WOOSTER: Of course – continue.

JEEVES: Very well, sir. The theory in its rudimentary form is based on the observation that the earth's solid crust is broken up into about thirty semi-rigid plates. The boundaries of these plates are zones of tectonic activity, where earthquakes and volcanic eruptions tend to occur.  If I recall correctly, these semi-rigid plates were once, approximately 250 million years ago, one supercontinent – Pangaea. 50 million years later, it split into Laurasia and Gondwana, whilst India separated from Africa and Antarctica, then Greenland separated from North America, as the North and South Atlantic Oceans widened.  Then Madagascar separated from Africa and India drifts north until it collided with Asia. (see diagram 5 )

WOOSTER: (dismissive) Oh, that simple is it. Really? Thank you, Jeeves.

JEEVES: Not at all, sir. I find the works of Wegener particularly interesting.

WOOSTER: Oh?

JEEVES: Indeed, sir. Wegener also offered a choice of possibilities on how continental drift occurs. One was a westwards tidal force caused by the Moon. The other involved a magnetic effect propelling continents away from the poles towards the equator (the `flight from the pole´). In its early years, drift theory won few champions, and in the English-speaking world reactions were especially hostile. Later on, the most ingenious support for drift came from the British geophysicist Arthur Holmes. Assuming radioactivity produced vast quantities of heat, Holmes argued for convection currents within the crust or the asthenosphere. Radioactive heating caused molten magma to rise to the surface, which then spread out in a horizontal current before descending back into the depths when chilled, causing the 30 or so crustal plates to move at a rate of 1 centimeter a year. This is the generally accepted view today.

In the past 4 decades, there have been extensive oceanography (ocean mapping) surveys. These have revealed an undersea landscape as varied as the continents, with mountains, plains and valleys. Above all, the ocean floor now appears to be the key to understanding the Earth's crust, in a way that Wegener never appreciated.

WOOSTER: Yes.

JEEVES: I beg your pardon sir?

WOOSTER: Uh, carry on…Jeeves…

JEEVES: Very well sir, however I am unsure of what more there is to tell, but that today scientists use satellites in space to create very accurate images of the earth’s crust, which aids in even more new theories being created.

WOOSTER: (bored) Well that’s all very fascinating, Jeeves, but I think it is time for quiet solitude, what?

JEEVES: Very good, sir.

I Say Jeeves! – Episode Three – Sedimentary Rocks

Sounds of a café, tea being poured, clinking of cups and background chatter are heard in the background while the theme music plays.

WOOSTER: I say. Jeeves?

JEEVES: Sir?

WOOSTER: This cake here, it has layers.

JEEVES: How very astute of you, sir.

WOOSTER: Like the ground, Jeeves, what?

JEEVES: That is also true, sir. The Earth’s crust is made up of many different layers of sedimentary rocks that have accumulated and hardened, usually occurring beneath the seabed.

WOOSTER: Oh yes?

JEEVES: Indeed sir. Due to tectonic elevation, sedimentary rocks can be found in areas far from the sea. The rocks are laid down by water, wind, ice, or gravity in layers chronologically, the oldest at the bottom and the youngest at the top. Because of this, geologists are able to deduce the age of pieces of earth by looking at the different layers.

WOOSTER: That’s all very well, Jeeves, but…

JEEVES: The shape of the crust, or layers of sedimentary rocks, can also aid scientists in gaining knowledge about the movements of our earth. There are several different formations that give us clues as to the history of the land, which include tilting, folding and faulting, sir.

WOOSTER: Care to elaborate, Jeeves?

JEEVES: As you wish, sir. Tilting is caused by pressure from beneath the surface that lifts up the rock layers and makes it more susceptible to erosion. Folding results from lateral pressure on the rock layers. The pressure from the side causes the crust to fold, the anticline becoming exposed to erosion. A fault results from pressure beneath the rock surface causing the rock layers to split and move up or down the split. Then of course there are the igneous intrusions such as dykes, sills and batholiths… 

WOOSTER: Yes, well, perhaps best to leave that for another time.

JEEVES: Sir.

WOOSTER: I mean, I understand what you mean of course, but I feel now is the time to concentrate on the next layer of the cake, what?

JEEVES: Very wise, sir.

I Say Jeeves! – Episode Four - Fossils

WOOSTER: I say, Jeeves, my Aunt Agatha is a blithering fossil!

JEEVES: Sir?

WOOSTER: A fossil! You know what that means of course?

JEEVES: Indeed I do sir. Fossil; a term used to describe any direct evidence of an organism more than 10,000 years old.

WOOSTER: I knew it, Aunt Agatha is a fossil!

JEEVES: If you say so, sir. A fossil may consist of the original structure, such as a bone, in which the porous parts have been filled with minerals, such as calcium carbonate or silica, deposited from groundwater; which protects the bone from penetration by air and makes it stone-like. A fossil may also be an original substance, such as wood, that has been replaced, a molecule at a time, by mineral matter. Natural molds and casts that form when the hard parts of organisms are dissolved by groundwater are also fossils; the resultant cavities, being natural molds, are later filled by hardened sediment and form replicas, or casts, of the original. Other types of fossils include imprints, such as tracks and footprints; remains preserved in frozen soil, insects trapped in the resin of an ancient conifer and hardened into what is now called amber; and fossilized excrement, known as coprolites, often containing fish scales and other hard parts of animals that were devoured.

WOOSTER: I really believe that Aunt Agatha was dug out of a black cesspool somewhere north of Yorkshire. Anyhow Jeeves, what use are these fossils?

JEEVES: I am glad you asked that, sir. Fossils provide a record of evolutionary change extending back over 3 billion years of geologic time. Indeed, it was the geologists of the 19th century who used this fossil wealth to establish a chronology of the last half-billion years. These rocks support ideas of the order of appearance of fish, amphibian, reptile, mammal and man. They also help to reveal past climates, giving information about how the atmosphere used to be on earth. (pauses for Wooster's reaction, but there is none)

In fact, through the information given by fossils, paleontologists (scientists who study prehistoric life) have been able to piece together a timeline of the evolution of life on earth spanning almost 3.5 billion years ago. I have a very comprehensive table, if you would care to see it, sir.

WOOSTER: Oh, that probably won’t be necessary, Jeeves. I mean, knowing exactly when my audacious Aunt entered our world is not going to aid me in getting rid of her, is it?

JEEVES: Very good, sir. Shall I lay out the tweed or the blue suit, sir?