Adam's Adventures in Authorship

Quick Intro: I, Maisie, had attended an amateur production of Godspell in July, 2002. For some reason, I seemed to be the chosen victim of “audience participation”. Once an actor began to tell me some problem with the colour of his shirt, and I was an unwilling recipient of attention from a woman with a feather boa. Adam wrote the following ‘enlightening’ play based on my experience.

A Night at the Amateur Dramatic Society

Following, is a dialogue of backstage conversations. Lemon Guy is the guy with the shirt. Boa Slag is the woman with the boa, the Cabaret one.

Lemon Guy: (just walked into change room, Boa is putting on make-up) Hey Boa Slag, did you see that girl in Row 3, on the aisle? I swear to god, it's that kid Maisie from the banana ad!

Boa Slag: (finishes make-up, pulls cucumber from under skirt) Really? I hate that kid! I can blame her for that wave of dysentery I had back when we did Cats! The audience thought I was a real cat when I started *expletive deleted*-ing on them! (Stands up) Ok, I'd just seen that banana ad, and I'm thinking gee, what a bunch of cute kids, so I walk into the kitchen to the fruit bowl, and take a banana.

I eat it, it's fine until about half-way, when I come across a family of rare Mexican Killer Fruit Flies, and I almost barf. I must have eaten one of the flies, because the next day, I've got the worst case of food poisoning ever. I blame Maisie for it! When I was crapping in the aisle in Cats I was so embarrassed! Now she will suffer the same!

Lemon Guy: (surprised/nervous (phony)) Oh no! Boa Slag, whatever have you got planned???

Boa Slag: (pulling wad of money out of her fishnet stockings) Well, in the cabaret song, I'll dance all over her. All eyes will be on her! She will suffer that same embarrassment! Mwahahaha!

Lemon Guy: Oh Boa Slag, you're so amazing!

Boa Slag: I know! I love you Lemon Guy! Come and eat chicken with me!

Lemon Guy: I love you too! (they embrace) I would be *honoured* to eat chicken with you!

Fin.

Review of "Conversation between Lemon Guy and Boa Slag; a glimpse of backstage life at an amateur theatre production of Godspell"

By Maisie, Mon, 22 Jul 2002.

Mr. Adam has recounted the diabolical plans of Lemon Guy and Boa Slag with insight, and perhaps, dare it be said, just a little exaggeration.

While the girl Maisie, is undoubtedly world famous and constantly being recognised and pestered for autographs, it is highly unbelievable that anyone would bear a grudge against the lovely thing.

Boa Slag is presented as a tortured soul with bowel problems and painful memories. Her possession of a cucumber is a chilling concept, one which will keep me awake for many a night. The wad of money secreted on her person, intriguingly never used, can be described only as disturbing.

From the best of my memory, Lemon Guy was a wacko who wouldn't shut up. However, in Mr. Adam’s interpretation, he is a quiet respectful man. His relationship with Boa Slag is indeed peculiar, Lemon Guy being a not-unattractive young man of about 20, whereas Boa Slag is a middle-aged woman who has, frankly, let herself go. Just proof that opposites will, and do, attract.

Finally, Maisie is referred to as sitting in the third row, suggesting that perhaps she should expect attention. However, truth has her in row F, the middle of the theatre, and not usually a row particularly noticed.

All in all, it is an interesting interpretation of events. Other productions of said incident have also theorised severe drug abuse, alcoholism and most convincingly, the hypothesis that all actors were escaped lunatics from Goulburn gaol. Mr. Adam should not anticipate a large audience, but he has won a fan in this critic.