The Graduate is brilliantly scripted...except for the second half...


		Good Songs Kitsch Songs Actors	Scary Movies Television Shows Films

		Good Songs

		Sorted for E’s and Wizz – Pulp I’m generally hesitant at such blatantly drugged up content. Fair enough, Coleridge knew what he was doing, but I always seem to feel that the ‘inspiration’ should be divine rather than chemical. Still, a killer from Cocker and co. Oh, and I find it highly amusing when non-Americans use ‘alright’ as a filler between verses…extra points. Original setting too – feeling like nobody, alone at a concert. When there are 20,000 people screaming, on top of each other, oblivious, and you’ve lost the one person you know.

		I Want You Back – The Jackson Five This song makes me so happy…it’s so…funky or something. The vocals are so light, he was delightful – a pure pleasure to listen to, joyful and perfect in such an inoffensive way…and such a killer bass line.

		Blue Monday – New Order I was thinking more Bizarre Love Triangle for these guys…but Blue Monday has some intangible quality that makes it dark, yet danceable. I hope you're not thinking about me dancing right now. Sunrise, Sunset – Bright Eyes Falters at the end, but has a really good sinister, angry feeling.

		Lonely Girls – Suede This is so original, I mean wow, it humanises women – treats them not as objects of lust or as lusting, love requited or not. Pop/Rock/Music is depressed, angry rebellious, misunderstood boys…often women are included as a “we", but even so musicians are notoriously selfish, paranoid and misogynistic (albeit unintentional). Never to my knowledge has a band so honestly considered someone else.

		Roxanne – the Police In general, I find Sting a rather repulsive little man, and the Police brand of generic rock boring as. But this, I likey. I like the kind of Reggae thing, and lyrically interesting. Well, as interesting as a man having problems with his prostitute can be. Virginia Plain - Roxy Music Wow. Wow. Glitter eyeshadow really brings out the highlights in Bryan Ferry's hair. And the drummer...I don't even want to guess at what gender it may or may not be. Who knew an asymmetrical leopard print shirt could be so flattering? Big Ferry Wink. ;) I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks - the Bloodhound Gang Most people don't know this, but I'm quite a rap/ hip-hop fan... not that this song is noticeably so, but their other material draws on a definite Run DMC influence. Smart arses of the Beastie Boy variety...but their success exceeded 3 months.

		Top Kitsch

		True – Spandau Ballet Just Died in Your Arms Tonight – Cutting Crew Believe it or Not - Greatest American Hero

		Actors

		Marlon Brando if you did not find him the most attractive man in the world in Streetcar…well, then, you’re not a woman, and you’re probably not gay…very powerful, stylistic… Alec Guinness when I first saw him on film in a b/w I thought, that’s acting. When you watch him, you realise that what he does is an art, a deep study in vocal and facial expression…he fascinates me. Marilyn Monroe She just… lights up the screen…so entertaining, endearing and delightful in her ridiculous way. Andy Warhol, a dubious talent, did capture her exactly: garish, mass marketed, a product. But lovely. Judy Davis I actually caught a bit of her directing work in a production of Sheridan’s School for Scandal a couple of years ago…unlike her, it lacked anything at all remarkable. Loved My Brilliant Career. John Cusack Ok, I admit it. His movies range from banal to forgettable, his sister outshines him and High Fidelity pissed me off…he’s cute but… John Malkovich Apparently he used to be obese as a teenager, and then went on a diet-jelly diet to become the man we see today. I worshipped his work in the French adaptation of Les Miserables with Gerard Depardieu. Glass Menagerie, Dangerous Liasons, and doubtless others I can't quite remember. Joaquin Phoenix to be fair, my judgement of him is totally unreliable as it is completely clouded by the fact he is incredibly magnetic and attractive. Still, I *think* he’s talented…certainly, Quills was very impressive. Macauley Culkin Not a child star, a really short adult. Dustin Hoffman my favourite actor…has made excellent choices, two of the greatest films ever (the Graduate and Midnight Cowboy)…has made me laugh and cry so many times, scared the crap out of me too…source of much wit e.g. when questioned about calling Robbie Williams a ‘shit actor’, he replied “You don’t understand, I was trying to help him.” I’ll tell you what, Dustin, I’ll even forget Tootsie…now, that was a SCARY MOVIE… Sean Penn A quality (or lack of) that I detest in most life forms is disingenuity. Sean Penn is not guilty. A clearly tortured individual, I feel almost indebted to experience emotion at his performances, since he himself is so intense. Peter Lorre Creepy, creepy man. One problem: any thriller or mystery he stars in, you know straight away who the crazy, crazy, perverted killer is. I wonder what he thought of the typecasting. Jeff Goldblum Unkindly known as ‘the one with the peanut-head’. Out-shone the entirely overrated cast of Big Chill (William Hurt is excused). Tim Curry I love him for his fallibility…that is, he has starred in most of the worst films I’ve ever seen. He has expressive eyebrows all his own. Luuuurve ‘Rocky Horror’…but ‘IT’, well, that’s one blood balloon that doesn’t float down here… really, how could you not see that Addams Family 3 (without original cast) was going to be an abomination on the very medium of film. How??? Shirley Temple Peter Finch Australian wonder. Tragic, mad, cold…quite an unsung hero these days. Caroline Quentin Ralph Fiennes now, this is one classy actor. Don’t like his brother much, but Ralph (I think, possibly pronounced Rayf) is just charming…brilliant in Quiz Show…(Maid in Manhattan very much a ‘Prince and the Showgirl’ rehash…the great Olivier stooping to the soft-porn Princess’ level)…but then, like anything I’ve ever tried to cook, he does have a tendency to go all mushy… Edward Furlong I am a closet Terminator fan…and his drug-addled life has at least provided humorous press fodder…but I think it’s time to come down… Jane Fonda Yeah, Barbarella was such a meaningful piece of work that really spoke to me…ok, no. She has the ability to draw attention by just being in existence. Makes awful films watchable (prime example, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They, excellent book, abysmal movie.)

		Horror Movies

		Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Gene Wilder is the creepiest man…I swear I have never been more afraid. Basket Case Ahh, those pesky deformed twins… Child’s Play Err, not the child molester one, the one with the killer doll…why do I always want Chuckie to win? Repulsion How to Get Ahead (hilarious pun there…no, not really) In Advertising – the worst film I have ever seen. Now, obviously I’ve seen a lot of crap movies…but this is even more offensive especially since it has a beautiful lead, Richard E. Grant. It somehow managed to be more disgusting than the consumer society it was trying to denounce. Absolutely awful. Grant actually grows a repulsive little head from a pimple, complete with moustache…and if my disturbed memory serves me right, the film is resolved by Mr Two Head riding off into the English countryside on a horse…Cannot get worse.

		TV Shows

		Alvin and the Chipmunks Alvin, Theodore, Simon…and the guy called Dave. Really funny and colourful…and totally ripped off several movie plotlines…and when I think about it, the one redeeming quality was the incredibly high 'speed dub' voices…now, was it helium or castration? Roger Ramjet ‘he’s our man, hero of the nation’, well, not MY nation…which is prolly a good thing really… Dangermouse Like Ramjet, a bumbling hero. Uber-confident and friend to the visually impaired. Bill and Ben Ah, those erudite Flowerpot Men. Whatever will they think of next? Have provided the funniest statistic ever…since although Bill and Ben were shown almost every day for years and years and years, only 12 episodes were ever made. Rough studio bastards just re-ran them ad infinitum to the unsuspecting innocent kiddies… Super Ted Hmm, remember him, the one with the friend called Spotty Man who I believe had a terrible and stigmatising sexually transmitted disease…or something... GUMBY!!! No introductions, he's here and he'll be sure to stay. Blackadder (especially the Third) I am sentimentally attached as it was the first comedy I ever got into, in an obsessive, memorise-all-the-lines way. I was ten, and looking for direction. I became a huge Hugh Laurie fan until I witnessed Stuart Little and its dubious sequel. I just, ugh, he doesn't have to do this. Let's not talk McInnerny. The Young Ones Vivian, a nihilistic punk does Medicine, dirty-talking Mike does Biology, Rik is a pimply, Cliff Richard-loving rebel with a speech impediment, Neil is a lentil-loving hippie with repeated failed suicide attempts. Together, powers combined, they make up one of the most experimental, fresh programmes ever shown. Written by Rik Myall, Lise Mayer and Ben Elton, has brilliant one-liners such as “There’s no point. No-one ever listens to me…I may as well be a Leonard Cohen record”. Cheers. Dr. Katz Brilliant dead-pan…I once watched a Compass episode on Jews making the greatest comedians…this show does not disprove such a theory (the three stooges, however…) French and Saunders Not only do they rival all male based sketch comedies, they better them. Has me in stitches, especially the Titanic special. Bananaman In researching my favourite programs as a child, my friends and I were particularly upset to learn that most of them came from the 80s. As we were all children of the early to mid 90s, one cannot help but feel completely ripped off. It's as though they couldn't be bothered to make anything new for us. But hey, bananaman was hilarious. And healthy. Darkwing Duck This show was always a little more surreal and scary than the usual children's program. Bangers and Mash Two monkeys, one tree...let the fun begin. I don't remember much, except it once had a plot involving a flue, and not being British myself, I had no idea what was going on. Still, great theme song... Captain Planet Believe it or not, some characters were voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, Sting, Jeff Goldblum and Meg Ryan. This was my absolute favourite. I guarantee you most teenagers will know the words to the theme song, especially the part where they 'break it down'. Overly saccharine and politically correct. And really, what kind of power is 'hhhhhheart'? But wasn't it great. The Ferals This, at the time, was a cool, cool, cool show. We loved Rattus and Modigliana, we hated the slimy landlord, and cheered on the curly-haired man. I've never seen a better show for pre-teeners. The puppets were disgusting, sarcastic, selfish, stupid and violent...in fact, everything I turned out to be! ALSO: Red Dwarf, Father Ted, Ab Fab, Jeeves and Wooster...

		Movies

		The Little Mermaid My earliest memory. I saw this film when I was two...I remember particularly enjoying for many years the fact that my mother shared a name with the oh-so-evil octopus. Part of His World, Under the Sea...lots of fun. Having rewatched this recently, I became rather confused and disturbed by the scene in which the jealous and 'betrayed' father destroys all his daughter's possessions. Cinderella The Apartment The Birds A Day at the Races Generally accepted as their best work. Groucho is examining a portrait "Ah, your mother was beautiful. I remember the night I proposed." "But that's my father" "No wonder she turned me down." Nashville Midnight Cowboy The Graduate A favourite of many, I know. But for me it's an utterly nonsexual experience. I compare the power it holds with that of "Catcher in the Rye": lost, misguided adolescence, the endless days, the anger, the instability just below the surface, the ambiguous conclusion...Dustin Hoffman had ten years on his character, but one would never guess. The Sound of Music Quiz Show The Lavender Hill Mob Alec Guinness at his unduly uncelebrated and best. He never approached his characters with ridicule or a feeling that that human being was less than him, be it a city clerk or Obi-Wan. The film itself is short (under an hour), concise, provoking in more of a French style than most English films (indeed, the most striking imagery involves a slow motion/ vertigo chase down the Eiffel Tower). One of the final scenes involves a clever escape by a suited, bowlered Alec blending in to the faceless crowd (as G. K. Chesterton would say "Where is the best place to hide a pebble? On a beach full of pebbles"). Some quite famous scenes in a foreign restaurant involving Audrey Hepburn in her first film role. And such a dignified capture. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Saturday Night Fever American Graffiti Cabaret I don’t know who was better, Minelli or Joel Grey. Unlike most adaptations, Cabaret manages to capture a good deal of the bleakness and power of the novel, I am a Camera. Brilliant songs. Jules et Jim Terminator Terminator 2 I saw this aged seven, in Argentina, dubbed…but well, I don’t think anyone judges it on gripping dialog. Took me months to recover from the fear that liquid-metal terminator was going to come out of my toilet… Network “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” Dirty Dancing Hannah and her sisters Crossfire The Breakfast Club This is embarrassing. Somehow I let slip a remark not unfavourable to Judd Nelson, and I have never seen people laugh so much…Nat calls him ‘the poof who’s way too old to be in that movie’. I like this film which has been labelled ‘indulgent’. Cousin, Cousine This is Spinal Tap Tragic, insulting and desperate…and that’s just the music. Gimme Shelter a documentary centering around the horrific stabbing of a man at a free Rolling Stones concert in 1969, after the band decided to put Hells Angels in charge of security. Frightening, funny, unbelievable and scarcely indulgent.